To My Oldest Daughter

My sweet girl, I know this year has been hard on you.  

You’re a military child, which means you are sacrificing for our country too.  Daddy has been gone more than he’s been home this year and you tell me often how much you want our whole family together again.  Me too, baby.  But know this, you’re daddy is a warrior and will protect you fiercely, always.

You’re a special needs sibling, which means you often give up more than you’re fair share of attention.  The way you play now includes pretend phone calls to your sister’s doctors and practicing physical therapy exercises with your baby dolls.  You catch your sister when she falls over from a seizure and you cheer her on when she learns something new.  I know this weighs heavily on you too.  But know this, you’ve got a forever friend with your sister and she think the world of you. 

You’re three.  You walk a fine line between always wanting momma and desperately wanting autonomy.  You tell me many times a day how much you love every person in our family, yet you’re incredibly strong-willed and stubborn.  It’s hard now, but I’m grateful as these traits will serve you well.  But know this, even when you’re pushing boundaries momma always loves you.  

And you notice everything. You're my little buddy, following along and constantly observing me navigate this life.  I try my best to protect you from the hard times.  Yet, despite our fun trips to the zoo and ice cream dates, I know you see me worry and I know it worries you.  You’re belly often aches from anxiety you can’t yet put in words.  But know this, we are resilient and we will continue to grow stronger together.

Truth is, my girl, highs and lows are a part of life.  Without hard goodbyes, we can’t have unforgettable welcome homes.  Without medical challenges, we can’t have medical miracles.  Without hardship, we can’t truly appreciate the many blessings in our lives - and trust me, there are many. 

I want you to know that I see the weight you carry as well.  One day, your life as a military child will come to an end, but your life as a special needs sibling will not.

There will be times I don't handle this well. There will be times where you may feel pressured to do things your sister cannot or guilty for conflicting feelings towards her. And if you do, that's OK. You can talk to me. This unique experience as a special needs sibling will not always be easy, but it will be worth it as it will give you amazing opportunities to show the world the beauty in kindness, empathy, and inclusion.

So if you need to take it out on me today because I’m your safe place, I can handle it.  If you need extra snuggles tonight, they’re all yours.  We will not always agree and you will not always get your way, but I am here for you, always. 

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